Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
did you just send me my own nude
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
