Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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