Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
