I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
