Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
