dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
