3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
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Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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