He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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