Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
