they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.