can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.