i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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