she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
