It's Friday. Sex?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize