dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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