And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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