Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
