i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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