I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
