I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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