god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
