i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
