Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
