How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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