There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize