If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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