My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
