So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
