It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
