I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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