It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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