He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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