I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
