she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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