You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
