I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
