Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
