Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
