i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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