no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
