i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
