You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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