You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
