You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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