What did we do last night that was yellow?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
