i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
