watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
