my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
