I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
