I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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