Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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