My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
