dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
