he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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