If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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