Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
