your thong is hanging out like whoa
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
