Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.

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(301): View more from Maryland

There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you

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(410): View more from Maryland

So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal

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(916): View more from California

That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.

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(906): View more from Michigan

Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.

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(517): View more from Michigan

On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

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