Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
