The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
