just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
