I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
