glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
