i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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