She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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