At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I didn't notice because vodka
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
