somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
