everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
