come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
