do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
