i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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